• Never do anything 4 anyone that they can do 4 themselves.
  • Even if they ask you to do it 4 them.
  • Especially if they refuse to do it.

Simple, not easy

This is a very simple rule. It’s easy enough to apply to people I’m not fond of but it’s a very different matter when it’s someone I care about. That’s when I discover that simply doesn’t mean easy.

Actions speak louder than words

When I do something 4 someone else that they are capable of doing 4 themselves, I’m demonstrating to them that I think they are stupid, lazy, or worthless. That may not be what I intend or even what I believe but actions speak louder than words. That is the message that will be given.

Selfish

I need to ask myself why I’m doing it. Usually, I’ll tell myself it’s because I care about the other person and want to help but let’s take a closer look at that motivation. Perhaps:

• I’m in a hurry and it’s quicker to do it myself.
• They’ll forget, or refuse to do it then I’ll miss out on something.
• I’ll look mean for not picking up the slack.
• I’ve always done it this way.

All of these motivations are about me so not so selfless after all. Think about it, it can’t exactly help someone to act as if they are lazy or stupid.

Even if they ask me to do it 4 them

What if they ask me to do it 4 them? Then I can offer to do it with them, and this is how I can support them. With not 4. If they will not do it 4 themselves then they need to examine their own motivations. I need to let them work that out 4 themselves which, again, they are perfectly capable of doing so but only if the natural consequences of not doing things are allowed to occur and not diverted by my well-meaning but self-interested interference.

Especially if they refuse to do it

Doing something 4 someone else that they refuse to do 4 themselves is an abuse of power. It strips the person of their personal power even police and medical personnel are forbidden to do such things without a court order. So, just who do I think I am to impose my expectations and standards on another person.

What if I am affected by someone else’s choices?

If the behaviour of another person is negatively affecting me then I need to take a long hard look at my choices. This is the natural consequence of being responsible for myself. To add insult to injury, it is this very lack of responsibility of which I accuse the other person. Simple, not easy.